I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
