So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
