Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
