how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
