Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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