I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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