i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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