covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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