I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
