drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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