so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
