His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
