I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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