Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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