Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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