the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
