Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
