Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I love you.
Bad choice
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