why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I have post one night stand depression
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
