I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
