idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
