Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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