I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
