Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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