fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
