if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
