You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
