He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
