what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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