We named our party play list daddy issues
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
