I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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