i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
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