Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
