2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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