yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
