Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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