If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
