I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
