This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
