Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
