Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize