i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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