Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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