I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
