I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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