One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
