Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
