Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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