don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
