He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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