just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
