Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
