i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
