Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
