mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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