Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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