I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
