just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
