something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
