Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
