Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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