Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
