you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
