i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
