Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
