Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
