I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
