the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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