i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
