i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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