i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
