i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
