i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
