i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
