o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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