I just pynch a tree in the face
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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