i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
