Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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