So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my shit smells like andre
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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