Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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