If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
