How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
