the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
