I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
