There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
