so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
