just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
